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August 1, 2003
Question
I have some insecurities about the man I live with. He is the father of my newborn baby boy, and at times I do not feel he loves me the way I would like. We have minimal sweet moments that cause me to stay with him, but this is not enough. He is obviously not ready to marry, and doesn't spend quality time with me. Sometimes he says things that are hateful like encouraging the war by saying "Kill them Iraqis," and shows a general lack of caring. He is very cold due to a rough past, and his actions are probably self-protection. Should I stay with him and try to open his heart and spirit or find someone who is willing to marry me and grow with me? Help!
Answer
I believe you've answered your own question. No matter the reason, at this time in life he is cruel and mean, and not supportive of you and your son. I suggest you work your way out of this relationship. I don't, however, suggest that you find another man right now. Spend some time alone with your son - provide him with a healthy, comfortable lifestyle and then invite the "right" man into your life. You must remember that your growth and your son's environment are the most important things in your life right now.
Question
I've been with this guy off and on for almost a year now. We wont talk for a month and then all of sudden out of the blue he text messages me with his feelings of how much he misses me, but nothing really ever happens. The same thing has happen over and over again and I'm wondering if it's worth it, but I don't think I want to let him go, or if I have the energy.
Answer
One of your life lessons is to develop the energy to let go when you need to (and to hold on when you need to). Remember to take full responsibility for your feelings. This on and off again relationship is not particularly healthy. You must either let it go now or make it a healthy interaction. I certainly wish you well. Just be totally honest with yourself and you'll see what to do.
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