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May 1, 2005
Question
I'm afraid I have gotten myself into a relationship for the wrong reasons. I met this very nice man who seemed to be immediately attracted to me. I enjoyed his attention and even though I realized he was moving much faster into this relationship than I, I guess I wanted his adoration. I did tell him (not very forcefully I suppose) that I was not interested in an intimate, long-term relationship with him, but now I can't get rid of him. Even when I'm honest about my feelings, he ignores what I say. I'm getting a bit afraid - I don't even want him to know where I live. Is he going to turn into a stalker? What can I do?
Answer
Many people find themselves in your shoes. Unbalanced relationships are quite common and can be dangerous. You must very clearly and very calmly tell him you do not wish to interact in any way with him. Don't fall for the "let's be friends" comment - it will be part of his attempt to keep the relationship going. His motives are not pure - he does want to manipulate you into a relationship and it cannot work. Please be careful and move away from him quickly. Remaining friends is not a possibility - don't try it. I've worked with so many people who end up getting hurt (physically or emotionally) by not being forceful enough in breaking off a potentially dangerous, out-of-balance relationship.
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